When Feeling Bad is Enough
If you were to ask somebody who is feeling down about losing their job how they were feeling, - what do you think they’d respond?
That they’re feeling down about losing their job, right?
If you were to ask said person how feeling down is impacting their lives right now - how do you think they’d respond?
Maybe that they’re struggling to keep a positive attitude or maybe they haven’t been enjoying things they usually enjoy, right?
Sounds simple enough, and from the outside looking in this seems like a natural, healthy response to getting thrown a tough curveball. But why is it that some people can bounce back from something like this relatively quickly while others struggle to move on?
The answer may lie in one’s self-perception about feeling bad. When it comes to resilience, one will almost always be able to see the difference between somebody who can accept that it’s okay to feel bad and the person who questions why they are coping so poorly.
People who bounce back generally recognize that if they have a couple of days where they’re not feeling like themselves or struggling to get out of the bed in the morning, that this is part of the process and a natural result of something bad happening to them.
One might be surprised how often clients will express that they are more upset about how they were coping with a stressor then the actual stressor. Part of the healing process for these people is recognizing that struggling to overcome a difficult circumstance is normal. People have the tendency to overthink their emotional response and will catch themselves in a detrimental cycle of feeling bad about feeling bad.
This concept of accepting your emotions isn’t exclusive to feeling sad. There is also the person who can feel anxious about feeling anxious. There will likely be a difference in performance between the person who is going into a job interview recognizing that anxiety will likely be part of the process and that that’s okay vs the person who gets wrapped up in how nervous they are and how their nerves are going to trip them up come game-time. Likewise, somebody who is grieving can increase their grief tenfold if they start to dwell on why they’re grieving the way they are instead of accepting that grief is part of the process.
When feeling a negative emotion, whether that be sadness, nervousness, anger or grief, try to be mindful of the fact that people react, it’s just how we’re built. Avoiding the reciprocal cycle of feeling bad about feeling bad can be a valuable tool in developing resilience and bouncing back.