The Guide to Making Therapy Easier (PDF version available upon request)

OVERVIEW & GOAL

The purpose of this guide is to provide a simple, easy to follow protocol to make the initial stages of seeing a therapist or counselor less daunting.

This guide can help you establish goals for therapy as well as develop an understanding of how therapy can help.

The 2 Types of Uncomfortable Emotions When it comes to having uncomfortable emotions, the first step is knowing that there are generally two different categories..

Category 1: “I feel uncomfortable and I can tell you why”. While the reasons for emotional discomfort can be infinite (greif, stress, relationship issues, trauma, etc.), it is clear that this feeling is being brought on by some type of reason.

Category 2 : “I feel uncomfortable but I cannot tell you why”. This feeling might be described as “numbness”, “emptiness”, “nervous” etc. People who express these feelings will often tell you that they cannot identify a thought that accompanies their emotions.

Think about which category you fall into: It is important to know that you can fall in-between or fluctuate back and forth between the two categories.

Identifying and Writing Down Your Thoughts

The second step is taking out a pen and paper to write down any thought that you can identify. In a nutshell write down why you feel uncomfortable. This list can include anything and everything that contributes to you feeling the way you do. If you are a Category 2 person you may struggle with this, but I’d challenge you to give it a shot anyways. The reason for this, is that while it is absolutely possible for somebody to have purely chemical depression without any reason, it’s also possible for somebody to overlook an underlying issue that they may not be totally aware of. Taking the time to write down potential issues can help uncover anything you may not be actively thinking about. After you have a list written down, take some time to prioritize from most bothersome to least.

Here’s a sample list:

1. I hate my job

2. I’m ugly

3. I miss my grandfather

4. I’m stressed out about finances

5. I don’t have any hobbies

6. I get anxious when I drive

The making of this list is often therapeutic in itself. The reason for this is because our minds tend to let multiple issues feed into one another, magnifying our emotions and making us believe that we are struggling with more things then we actually are. Be mindful of how many issues you wrote down and whether or not any ONE of these issues is something that you feel is impossible to overcome. Chances are that isn’t the case

Differentiating What You Can Control VS. What You Can’t. Now take some time to look over the list and split it into two categories:

1) What can I do something about i.e I can take a physical action towards changing this

2) What can I not do anything about i.e I cannot take a physical action towards changing this.

For example, looking at the list provided above:

1) I hate my job - Is it possible/practical for me to get a new job, if so let’s put it in List A, if it’s not an option, let’s put it in List B

2) I’m ugly - is there something I can do about not liking the way I look?, If so, let’s put it in List A, if it’s not an option, let’s put it in List B

3) I miss my grandfather - I can’t take any actions to bring my grandfather back, this goes in List A

4) I’m stressed about finances - Is there anything I can do to make more money/reduce expenses? If so, let’s put it in List A, if it’s not an option, let’s put it in List B

5) I don’t have any hobbies - Is there anything I can do find new hobbies? If so, let’s put it in List A, if it’s not an option, let’s put it in List B

6) I get anxious when I drive - Is there anything I can do to make driving less nerve-wracking? If so let’s put it in List A, if not, let’s put it in List B

Taking a look at List A

Now that you’ve split up your lists. The next step is to look at whether or not it makes sense to make a change. For example, you might find that it is possible to find a new job, but does that mean you’d like to? Is this plausible?

If you feel like it might be, identify the next baby step that can be taken to get one step closer to resolving this issue. The goal here is not to come up with an instant solution, rather it’s to identify one, tangible step that can be taken to get you one step closer to resolving this issue. This is where the real work begins for List A. This is where your therapist can help you identify roadblocks and help you figure out practical baby steps to take. At this point you know what you’d like to change and that should make therapy a little easier for you.

If however, it doesn’t make sense to make a change, i.e because of your current circumstances you ultimately believe that despite your stress you’d like to keep your job, etc. then the next step is below.

Taking a look at List B (and the part of List A that you do not want to change)

List B are the issues that cannot be changed. What the ultimate goal with your therapist can be, is to figure out how to feel differently about a certain issue or learn to accept/cope with the way you feel. This will likely involve taking the steps to change your perspective, learn coping skills or learn how to better process your situation.

For example, let’s say you have 10 people who have gone through the exact same traumatic event. Let’s line them up on scale from 1-10. Person number #1 is allowing this event to define the way they live in the sense that it’s the only thing they can think about. Person #10, on the opposite side of the scale, completely blocks this event out, refusing to acknowledge that it happened. This scale demonstrates that an event doesn’t inevitably cause an emotional reaction, rather a person’s perception and how they process and cope is what dictates an emotional reaction. The goal is to be person #5 on this scale. Person #5 doesn’t allow this event to define the way they live, but they also have the ability to acknowledge it and healthily process their feelings about it. This is where the real work begins for List B. This is where your therapist can help you identify tools to better cope with your emotions, this might mean changing your perspective, learning coping skills or learning how to better process your situation.

If You Still Can’t Identify Why You Feel The Way You Do If you’ve attempted this exercise and don’t have anything on List A or List B (see Category 2 listed above), then therapy can still help! Talk to your therapist about your emotions and as a trained clinician, they can help you identify the next steps. You’ve already made progress in recognizing that you might feel a certain kind of way without any identifiable stressor. That in itself is a powerful step in the right direction.