Fake it till you make it vs. Genuine self: a look at how mindfulness can help you determine which route to take.

Whether it’s to build confidence at a new job, speak publicly or learning a new skill, we’ve all heard the classic aphorism of fake it till you make it. 

The idea is basically that in a world where we’re unsure about ourselves or feeling insecure about our abilities – act the part and you’ll perform and feel better. If you’ve ever tried it, you’ve likely seen that this can really work! 

It's well known that feeding yourself the idea that you’re competent and capable of achieving whatever the task at hand is will likely bring you more positive results. Fake it till you make it suggests that the opposite is true as well: if I act like I’ll be successful, I’ll start to believe it and ultimately succeed. 

They’ll often teach in public speaking courses “go up there and act the way you want to feel as opposed to how you actually feel”. Anybody whose tried this can tell you that it can change the experience from nerve-racking to at least manageable. Worried about a job interview? Go in there and act like you’ve earned it! it is far more likely that somebody whose achieved this mindset will present more confident and competent then the candidate who is allowing their brain to dictate how they act.  

It makes sense that your mind and body like to work in-sync, so if you start to act and behave a certain way it’s only logical that you’ll start to believe it! 

But what about when it comes to feeling sad or angry? Would it help if we pretended that we were happy and calm? Would the way we act eventually lead us to feel better? 

On one hand, wouldn’t it make sense that fake it till you make it would work for emotions the same way it works for performance? On the other hand, isn’t there something to be said for allowing ourselves to feel the way we feel? (see https://www.dinovitzcounseling.com/blog/2019/5/8/when-feeling-bad-is-enough) When should we fake it and when should we express our feelings? 

In a nutshell: one is going to need to test the waters and see what works for them in each individual circumstance…. and this is where being mindful can come into play.  

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in any given moment. What this means is that people who practice mindfulness can check in with themselves and often articulate what and why they are feeling the way are. This is in contrast to those of us who run more on auto-pilot and allow ourselves to feel however our mind and body dictates we do without questioning it.

To pull it all together: An effective strategy for finding the balance between fake it till you make it and acting the way you feel is to be aware of how each response is serving you in any given moment. 

Why not give it a shot and see if smiling and laughing is making you feel better...if you check in with yourself and It's having the opposite effect, it’s time to abort mission. Similarly, one might find after checking in with themselves that behaving angrily is feeding into their anger, determining that it might help their case if they loosen up a little! 

The combination of knowing the skills of 1) fake it till you make it, 2) being your genuine self and 3) mindfulness can be a helpful combination for anybody looking to get a better handle on their mood.